What have the Romans ever done for us?
- Published in Humour and Wird
Monty Python's Life of Brian, directed by Terry Jones ("The Welsh One")
Reg: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers.
Stan: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
Stan: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
Reg: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
(he pauses smugly)
Xerxes: The aqueduct?
Xerxes: The aqueduct.
Reg: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah.
Masked commando #1: And the sanitation.
Stan: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?
Reg: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.
Matthias: And the roads.
Reg: Well, yes, obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads...
Masked commando #2: Irrigation.
Masked commando #3: Education.
General audience: Ohh...
Reg: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
Masked commando #1: And the wine!
General audience: Oh, yes! True!
Francis: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg.
Masked commando #4: Public baths!
Stan: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
Francis: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order...
Francis: Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this...
(more general murmurs of agreement)
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Xerxes: Brought peace!
Reg: What!? Oh. Peace? Shut up!
Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979)
Terry Jones - The Welsh One
Terence Graham Parry Jones, Welsh comedian, actor, writer and historian, born in 1942 in Colwyn Bay.
Best known as a member of the Monty Python team, he also directed many of their zany films, including the Holy Grail (1975), the Life of Brian (1979) and The Meaning of Life (1983). Post Python, he worked on other films such as Personal Services (1987) and Erik the Viking (1989). A prolific author, he has also written several books on mediaeval history and numerous works for children.